An Open letter to the Boy who never notices me.

Hey
     I love you, It's not strange that I said that even though we barely talk. Glances and muttered greetings. That's the End. You're reading this and you feel she is crazy, crazy and young.

    I see and feel you and you are hardly aware of it. I know when you first moved to our little town. Everyone said your parents were druggies, that we should stay away from you, that you were probably in on it. Then I would see you walking your sister to school or taking the dog out  for a stroll and i would know deep down that you weren't like them.

  I know when you joined the local high school and about your many offers to be put on the football team but you refused, preferring to stay low-key. I know that discreetly, you don't feel welcome here, you feel like an intruder.

   I know that you struggle with your self to not be like your parents. I know that you work those part-time jobs to make their childhood a little better than yours, until they realize the truth that your parents arent too capable.

      I know that despite what your mum put you through while growing up, the physical and mental abuse, you still work your butt off to keep her comfortable in Rehab.

      I know when your dad up and left town, well everybody knew. I know in that moment you felt the burden of the world on your shoulder. I know you felt lost and was barely floating.

     I know that you no longer think that God hears, because of all the shit you've been through and the hands that you've been cruelly dealt. I know that you wish for better things, not for yourself, but for the ones you love around you.

    I feel sad at times that I cannot help you when you're down, that I cannot be the shoulder you lean on after a hectic day, that I cannot be the one you hope to see at the end of the day, that I cannot be the one to wipe beads of sweat from your forehead.

       I know that you feel God isn't listening and he doesn't care, because if he does, your dad wouldn't have left, your mum wouldn't be a shadow of her old self. I'm sorry that you had to go through all this, it burns me a lot. One thing I know for sure is that God cares and heard you, every sigh of tiredness, every weary crackle of your bones, he hears it all. And you ask me, So why doesn't he answer? Everything has a reason, you have probably heard it so many times and it probably sounds cliche already, but it's the truth. There's a reason for everything, please do not ever give up. We might not know the meaning now, but soon enough, it will show and all this period shall be a very distant memory. Please Trust The Process.

     I love that you have been strong through it all. I love that you kept them floating even when you really should have given up.

     I love that you try your best to be a better person, that you know the importance of being the best you can be. I love that you love wholeheartedly.

   I love that you do not shy away from responsibilities and that rather, you try your best to meet everyone of those duties. I love that you prioritise your family's wellbeing over yours and any other thing.

     I love that despite everything that happened you can still find the silver lining. I love that you did not allow yourself to drown in sorrow and depression, frustration and anger.

   Again, I love you!
   You're my young broken angel that's been through a lot but still holds his head high.

     The last thing I want is for you to feel guilty that you cannot reciprocate what I feel for you. Please do not feel so.

     I have got enough love in my heart, to do both of our parts.

                                                    XoXo,
                   The Girl you never Notice.